A Fine Line

*Disclaimer: THIS PHOTO IS FROM A YEAR AGO.  DO NOT PANIC.

 

It was exactly a year ago today that this little pink line showed up on our doorstep.  Actually it appeared in our upstairs bathroom and our lives were forever changed.  I had no idea how much we’d be giving up.  I had no idea how much we’d be gaining.  I had no idea what the future held; I just knew I was excited, scared, confused, thrilled, and nervous about what we had gotten ourselves into.  My husband’s initial response?  "Take another one."  I still don’t really know whether it was for fun or if it was because he wasn’t quite ready to accept it, but I did.  And if he was looking for a different answer, he didn’t get it.  We jumped up and down and talked about how everything would be different, how Christmas would be more fun, how we would need to pick a room for the baby, how we didn't want to know if it was a boy or a girl, how we would never sleep again and how we had no idea what we were doing…    

Later that day I waved off my first beer; a small move that felt huge.  We were over at a friends’ house watching the KU/MU basketball game (second large victory for that day!).  Paul and I would giggle and smile and wave our arms wildly (without noise of course) whenever we were left in the room by ourselves.  This huge secret we kept to ourselves for a few short weeks was a really exciting time.  I remember thinking it was fun that we knew something, something BIG, that no one else in the world knew. 

Weeks later I had my first sonogram, and there on the monitor was a gummy bear looking blob of cells (not getting into this fight here…) and a loud, strong rhythmic heartbeat that was responsible for our lives changing forever.  In that dark little room, I cried.  

"It" grew.  I grew.  And grew.  And GREW.  And now she’s four months old and being a parent feels like one of the most natural things I ever done.  I can’t picture myself in a world where this isn’t what I’m doing and it was just 12 short months ago that this started becoming a reality. 

It may be a tad gross that I’ve kept this thing around for this long; I mean there’s dried pee on it for the love of God.  But it’s a pretty big deal when this little pink line shows up, when one of these suckers actually reads positive.  I’m probably going to keep it around forever.  And I definitely intend to embarrass Lucy with it when she’s older, while I smile inside and know she's responsible for that little pink line and a whole lot more.